breakswalls

Anon asked for Dr. Seuss.

It's kinda funny how easy it is to pervert kid's literature into something, well, pretty perverted. I don't know about you guys, but I'm setting up my pad to rebel any zombie attacks tonight. I'm fully expecting the good ol' Doctor to raise up an army with Mr. Rogers and Jim Henson as second in command.

It'll be awesome!

I've discovered why the world is such a crappy place.

People don't give strippers the credit they deserve. And to those people I have only one thing to say:

YOU SUCK!

Why don't you try sliding down that pole for once. It's not as easy as it looks is it? It takes skill and dedicated work for strippers to do what they do best; shimmy out of tacky strips of cloth to the beat of horrible songs for the chance of getting a grubby dollar shoves into their underoos. It's a thankless job that has to be done and these brave people are doing it for us all! So, if no one else is going to say it, then I'll be man enough to step up and say it all for you:

STRIPPERS. I RESPECT YOU AND ALL THAT YOU DO FOR ME! YOU MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND AND ROUND FOR ME.

Because I'm Deadpool, and I care about strippers.

Hey! Any of the stalkerish friends of mine have any milk?

Um, while you're at it feel free not to mention anything awkward for me. Explaining to Nate the concept of fangirls and fanboys wanting to see you shack it up with your closest and dearest friends/enemies/strangers is going to be hard enough. I'm trying to delay it with cookiez but I could really use some back up here.

Anon wants a list of things not allowed to be done at the X-Mansion.

I can't speak for the X-Dudes and Dudettes, but I know a few rules I got to follow when I hang around there. Which in no way makes them suck as bad as Hogwarts, because I know that I'm not the only one that has a "List of things I'm not allowed to do" for the place. So it's not just me being singled out this time!

Anon wanted to know what was up with that failed year at Hogwarts.

They totally suck there. I mean, sure they got some pretty cool people, but they're all hung up on their Holy Messiah, Potter. They close ranks around that kid the second a threat to his holiness is sensed. I mean, as soon as I entered the school they started trying to find ways to kick me back out!

First, the sorting hat wouldn't tell me which house I belonged to. It kept screaming something about walls and reality warping in ways that made sanity burn. So I didn't get to find out if I was Slytherin or Gryffindor! Then, they confiscated all my weapons! And they didn't even believe me when I said my swords were my wands. Do you know how tricky it is to do your wizarding homework without a wand? It sucks! Things just sorta went down hill after that.

That's why I'm taking private lessons from Skulduggery Pleasant now. He's a pretty cool teacher, and he doesn't try to make up sucky rules for me to follow. Plus, how cool is it to be able to throw fire at people?

Hogwarts sucks, Skullduggery RULES!

Sooooooo. I've been gone for a while. I know, I know! You, my adoring masses, have missed me so much, but a guy's gotta eat you know (and pay the cable bill), and that requires money. Money doesn't grow on trees, no matter what bill you plant or how much plant food you feed it. Maybe I just got a black thumb. Anyone else have this problem with their money trees? Until I get past that though I got to get my cash the hard way. Jobs!

Last one took me to Brazil. Sweet little job knocking off drug runners left and right. Got to chill out in Rio de Janero between shoot outs. Man, that is the city to live in for any mercenary. Long as you can ignore all the annoying tourists with their crappy cameras, and tendency to scream too much. You try to hang a guy off the giant Jesus statue once and they just don't stop!

But that's over with now. Kinda bummed. No more beach babes feeding me fruit, no more endless glasses of margaritas, no more guaranteed fights any time I want.

....

The tv down there totally sucked though!

Anon demands the scoop about that one time with Nate and the aliens. They're pretty demanding aren't they? Ah, well, anything to appease my massive legions of fans!

( SHHHHH! Don't let Nate know I'm telling you about this.Collapse )

Hey, random faceless people! I wrote a song because someone wanted it, tell me if you like it but don't copy it or I'll sue! copyright whut?

You (won't) let me violate you
you (won't) let me desecrate you
You (won't) let me penetrate you
you (won't) let me complicate you

Help me!
I broke my right hand today
Help me!
I’ve got no more porn to see
Help me!
My dick's so hard I can't see
Help me!
Get myself off today

I want to fuck you anyway I can
I want to feel you preferably not killing me
I want to fuck you and live to tell the tale
This whole non-relationship sucks!

You get me closer to death
You can have my second Twix bar
You have issues with sex
You can have my can of beans
You can let go of my neck (anytime)

Help me!
Tear down my boxers
Help me!
It's your BO I can smell
Help me!
You make me grow hairy palms
Help me!
Get laid sometime this year

I want to fuck you anyway I can
I want to feel you not killing me
I want to fuck you and tell the tale
My whole face is flawed
You get me closer to dead! (of blue balls)

MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! *snort* HHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA-! Ow.

Hey, Internet! It's me, Deadpool! Or some basement dwelling loser with no social life at all. I'll leave that up to you to decide because I really don't care. Anyway, found this really cool porn fest thing a while back.

THE MARVEL KINK MEME

It's awesome! And sick and perverted and kinda wrong actually, but that just makes it awesomer! I always knew those people got up to more sneaky-sneaky than they ever wanted to tell me. That's why I got all those spy cams set up around the world. Never know who you'll catch doing who on the lip of a volcano. (Kinky much Iceman? Next time you might want to keep the lube away from the lava, don't you just hate it when the stuff boils over?)

Anyway, think I'm going to be pretty busy for a while. Or just busy for a little bit. Depends on my mood and when the pizzaboy gets here.